a new post for my new blog. this shall be random, going back and forth from the past to the present. i promise there will be flashbacks. although i will not promise the stories will be pretty, and most times there is no happy ending. please enjoy my living hell of a past, and listen to me bitch while i build my life back up.
currently i am resting sandwiched between suicide anniversaries. Josh, a bright and funny boy, merely 18, hangs himself 4 years ago. Anthony, a man. a lovely wonderful man that i loved dearly... took his life only a year ago in may. i've been thinking of them often, and have talked to josh in my dreams on occasion. i love that they are with me in spirit, but it's also very painful to deal with.
i've tried to make sense of it so many times in my short life. these are not the first or only friends i've lost to death. what makes it harder to understand is that the people i've lost were the most influential and supportive and loving... my favorite people that i learned from and loved and trusted... i'll never forget them, and i'm sure the pain will never be any less painful. unless someone can give me an answer, i will forever love and miss these boys, and a part of my heart shall remain broken.
i will elaborate more on the past, my experience growing up (it's a fun one), i trust this will all tie together and make for a good story. well, a good depressing story at the very least... trust me as my dark stories end there is much for me to be happy about and grateful for these days. but i want to share my life with anyone that i may be able to help.
right now i'm considering getting over my thing i have against people... in general... and getting together some friends to go out to the bar and remember our expired friends. may not sound very uplifting or like much of a tribute, but hey, it's iowa and we don't have much money. so we'll have a few beers and tell a few stories. yes, i think that's what i'll do.
this is my first attempt to try and bring my thoughts and the stories of my life together. that's what this blog will be. i have always wanted to write a book about my past, maybe this will help me get started. tune in next time for a fun flashback to being in junior high! hooray.
